We may have strong beliefs and values around food and our kids, but what we actually do and say has the most impact. In this episode, you’ll hear practical strategies for raising a healthy and independent eater.
Send us an email: parenting@iastate.edu.
Find us on Facebook: @scienceofparent.
This institution is an equal opportunity provider. For the full non-discrimination statement or accommodation inquiries, go to www.extension.iastate.edu/diversity/ext
We may have strong beliefs and values around food and our kids, but what we actually do and say has the most impact. In this episode, you’ll hear practical strategies for raising a healthy and independent eater.
Send us an email: parenting@iastate.edu.
Find us on Facebook: @scienceofparent.
This institution is an equal opportunity provider. For the full non-discrimination statement or accommodation inquiries, go to www.extension.iastate.edu/diversity/ext
Hey, welcome to The Science of Parenting podcast where we connect you with research based information that fits your family. We'll talk about the realities of raising a family. What are we talking? The realities of being a parent and how research can help guide our parenting decisions. I'm Mackenzie Johnson clearly, I'm Mackenzie Johnson, parent of two littles with their own quirks. And I'm a parenting educator sometimes.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Sometimes and also the reality of podcasting. You know, that is, and I'm Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt. I'm a Professor of Human Nutrition, guest cohost, and mom to one sweet angel baby and one young, ravenous eater.
Mackenzie Johnson:All right, we love it. Well, we're here in season 10, talking all about kids and food, Lyndi's specialty. We've been loving all her expertise. And last week, remember, we talked about feeding styles, right? That is one thing that influences why we eat what we eat, and why our kids eat what they eat. But also we learned about the division of responsibility for feeding, which I love so much, and I've been working on practicing with my kids. So we're going to continue on this topic of kids and food, right, Lyndi?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yes, we are. So again, last week, we talked about those feeding styles, some more of those attitudes, beliefs around around eating and feeding our kids. But today, we're gonna talk about specific practices. So these are actual behaviors, these are actions that parents can do. Some of those strategies that you can put into play, maybe not as abstract as feeding styles, these are actual feeding practices.
Mackenzie Johnson:Right, the things we actually do and say, and stuff is gonna mix in there. And it's kind of interesting. So right, Lyndi of course, helped us find the research for the season. And the report that she shared with me, they talked about really this idea of food practices. The research really kind of got started in the 90s so it's not like it's been around forever. It's kind of like our generation of parenting, is kind of new to this whole having information about food parenting practices.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yeah, definitely. And this is always emerging research. I think anytime we talk about nutrition, food research, there's always gonna be something new. But this healthy eating research report that we keep referencing, which is a report that put together recommendations from a lot of experts in the area of feeding kids, references, particularly this one article by Vaughn and his colleagues about food parenting practices. So we're going to talk about those today. But the definition for those is that the intentional or unintentional behaviors and actions performed by parents that influence what their kids eat and their behaviors and actions around food.
Mackenzie Johnson:I love that it says, intentional or unintentional. Right, then it's like, yeah, what are feeding parenting practice or food, parenting practices, obviously, what parents do, but also what they don't mean to do but do.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, yeah. So maybe today we'll teach you how to have some more intentional practices. Yeah.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yes, we'll get intentional with these behaviors and actions performed by us as parents.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:That sounded dirty for some reason.
Mackenzie Johnson:I would like to redact that, I would like to take that back. So what about these three dimensions? So this article, or this report kind of breaks these down. And the research in general, right, not just this report, when it's looking at these food parenting practices, says there's three main kind of components or categories of these practices, right?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, so we're gonna talk about the three dimensions of food parenting practices, and then actually some specific practices within those three dimensions. So the three dimensions are structure. Second, is autonomy support. And then the third is coercive control. So we're gonna talk about those. But I want to make sure I preface this conversation with with saying that all of those practices are formed or determined by a couple of things that you have as a parent. So those are your own abilities, your own attitudes and beliefs. So maybe, maybe those feeding styles, your own knowledge, but then also your own, like the resources you have as parents. So how much time you have, what money do you have to spend on this food? Those types of things as well.
Mackenzie Johnson:Absolutely, yeah. And that we know that everybody, you know, even the stage of life, we can have kids of similar ages, but are doing different things or because we have different jobs or because of where we live are all these different things can affect what we're going to actually do when we're feeding our kids or even where we get our food. Yeah, thinking about some families get food at the grocery store. Some get it at the gas station, some get it at the food pantry. Some received donations, some might eat with family and friends because they're not having regular access to food right now, they're kind of in transition. And yes, this looks so different for everybody. I think that's a really important place for us to start of like, yeah, it would be simple if all of us had access to every ideal situation. That's not the reality all parents are going to be operating from.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, yep. So we're going to talk about the practices. We're going to talk about those broader dimensions. And then hopefully, you can figure out what best practices you can put into place and what fits for your family.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yeah, it's for your family, you said it better than I did. Yeah, I loved walking through this with you and thinking about it almost kind of as a toolbox. So as you think about what practices that you have available to you when you're feeding your kids, okay, I might pick up this one, I might use this one regularly. This one doesn't fit right now but maybe will later. You know, and I love this idea of just like, Okay, there's lots of different things mixed in here that you can tap into. Some that I was like, okay, I'm doing that one. All right, doing good. And then something I was like, Oh, I could work on that one. There's room for improvement for our family. And so I think this look at it as a toolbox. You can learn some things, put them in your food practices parenting toolbox, and it's okay, if you leave some for later. Yep. So let's start with the first one, they're not really in an order. The first one I would like to talk about is structure, that idea of structures. So what are we talking about? We're talking about structure as a food parenting practice.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes. Okay. So the formal definition that we're going to work around is structure is the organization of children's environments to facilitate children's competence to engage in healthy behaviors and avoid unhealthy behaviors. Okay, so really, what we're talking about is creating routines, you know, providing consistency in the atmosphere, and the amounts and types of food that are available putting structure into place and those type of ways.
Mackenzie Johnson:So really, this is like that abstract structure, not necessarily four walls, right? Or, like structure, like, the structure of highchair, or, yeah, the abstract, like guidelines and expectations, both. What our kids can come to expect, right? And what we expect. I mean, regular practice is kind of what I want to go with. I feel like it's kind of a synonym for routine. So maybe that's just a place to start. So one tool, one form of structure is this idea of meal and snack routines, right?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yeah. And then it's an important one for a lot of different reasons. But it could look, we talked about it could look different for different families and for different parents, but broadly speaking, it's providing consistency, predictability around meals and snack times. So it could be where you eat, what time you eat, who you're eating with, how you're dialoguing during those meals and then also just what is distracting you from those meals. So, routine encompasses a lot here.
Mackenzie Johnson:Oh, yeah. One of the things you said of who's present, this was actually an area that I feel like we've grown into a little more. I shared before on the podcast that I have anxiety, I was diagnosed with it during the pandemic, and one of my littlest was not even one yet and so mealtimes were noisy. I had a not even one year old and like a three year old ish, three, or four. And one would be leaning on me from the side on the arm I'm trying to eat with and the other one is like banging on the highchair and happy babbling, but one of the functions of my anxiety, one of the symptoms, was really bad overstimulation. And so before it was diagnosed and really getting treated with it, I was walking out of dinner all the time, because I couldn't be there without losing it. So I'd just have to go sit on the front steps for 10 minutes. All my children are happy and playing, just happy kids at dinner. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, get me out of here. And so then it came to a point of like, okay, I could stay at the dinner table, I got on some medication and learn some new strategies for dealing with it. And then it was like, okay, now I wear earplugs. So I'm here. I'm physically present at the table. That was progress for us. I can stay at the table now. And then it's slowly morphed into, okay, now things are a lot more managed. I've learned a lot more strategies. I've learned some boundaries for me, like, okay, it's doesn't work well for me for my kids to sit in my lap while I eat. I need space while I eat so I don't feel so overstimulated. And it's just for a long time, the idea of like, who's present at dinner? It wasn't always me, but wasn't always me. And so I think I just want to put that out there that, oh, that's all right. We can have room for growth. And yeah, that's basically two years in the making. For me going from, Yeah, I can't stay at the dinner table with my kids to now we can converse and sometimes it's still stressful. But the goal, right? It wasn't the regular practice at the time. But we've worked towards the goal of being like, okay, we're present and that it's a pleasant environment. Yeah, we got in the routine, we had the routine part of like, we tend to eat around this time and we tend to eat in this place. But yeah, there's lots of room for growth in lots of different ways.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:You take yourself out of that situation and maintaining that dinner atmosphere, that dinner space, that meal space as a positive warm environment is also something that is an encouraging way to support healthy eating.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yeah. And then that was a big part of it. Yeah, I didn't want to lose it on my kids who were just existing, right, like just doing their thing. And yeah, so I guess that's true. I haven't always thought of it that way. I was kind of preserving that space. And if I was having a hard time being positive in that space then I needed to leave it so that I could save it. You just empowered me. That is my new story about that. That is my new version of that story. I was preserving that positive meal space.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Alright, so you're modeling appropriate behaviors too, which is another thing we can talk about within structure. Right.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yeah. Yeah. So modeling. I mean, most of us knowing modeling basically, like, monkey see, monkey do, right?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, you modeling how you want your kid to eat is incredibly important, because kids in general, are influenced a lot by how others eat. This is, as we think about kids aging and developing. As they get older, even peer modeling is going to be really important to how they eat or when. You as a parent, as a food parenting practice, you can participate in modeling. So trying new foods, trying a variety of foods, this has actually been shown to help with greater food acceptance, which is something I'm sure we'll talk a little bit more as we talk about picky eating, right. But just showing them, you know, modeling that behavior for them is really important.
Mackenzie Johnson:Absolutely. And that whole idea of okay, but do what I say not what I do, right that we sometimes, I mean, sometimes joke about but we hope is true. Like oh, yeah, pop is not good for you. Right. And that can be the case, but knowing that one of the strategies of that structure is the modeling that we provide, whether intentional or unintentional, Yes, totally. Yes. And then another one being guided choices. And I liked that term of like, guided. As parents we get to choose like, these are the options I'm willing to make available. Or I have the ability to make available to my kids and that this is guided. I'm going to try to make sure when we are choosing our food, that we try to get some kind of variety, whether that's a can of carrots is great, like something from the freezer, something fresh, whatever we have access to. But that way you're choosing a variety of food groups and a variety of foods for our kids to try. And these are the options I provide. Right, offering that structure. It's not a free for all.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Right. Yes, yeah. Guided choices. I think this is important when we think about that division of responsibility again, right? Like, what are we responsible for? Well, we're responsible for when, where, what they eat, so this is that option, not whether they eat it, but like, this is an opportunity to guide them and say, Okay, well, this is the options on the table. This is what you know, what you can offer to eat and then encouraging and guiding them. We'll talk about that when I get to autonomy support, but really guiding those choices. So a couple strategies within this would be, you know, yes, providing choice for them, guiding them by offering them a food that they love, but offering it with a new food. So I think you have some very good examples of this, Mackenzie, right.
Mackenzie Johnson:Oh, thanks. Yeah, one that has been in our house, like a fruit that we don't need all that often. But honestly, sometimes just like something's seasonal. And but like, oh, pears and ketchup. That is an interesting combination you have there. Love that you're trying new foods.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yeah. So you know, guiding them and that choice, but then also not. Yeah, yukking their yum. Yeah, because I've heard you say that.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yes. And that was a big one in our house. That was a value I have around food is like, you can not prefer a food, right? You can not like a food. You're totally allowed to have those preferences. But you don't have to call food gross. Like food. We are grateful to have it and it's okay to say no, thank you. I'm not saying be grateful, you have to eat it. But we don't refer to food as gross. And yeah, that could be someone else's like, oh, that's delicious. Well, it's unkind to call it gross if they like it. So that's one of our values around food. So lots of things here in structure, that kind of abstract, how we organize and set the environment, right?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, yeah. Another one that I think it's important to talk about when we're talking about food and food environment. So what we're surrounding our kids with is talking about what foods are available for them to eat in your home? How is it accessible for them to eat? And then how are you preparing it? And are you preparing it with them? So when we first talked about food availability, this is where, you know, encouraging parents to try to have food in their home that again, you want your kids to eat. So if you want your kids to eat more vegetables, then trying to make those vegetables available for them to have. And then moving to accessibility, really talking about, do they you have it on a shelf that they could freely go and pick it if they wanted to, if you're giving them the option? Or is it prepared and accessible for them to go and get and eat, that kind of thing?
Mackenzie Johnson:Yes, I didn't really think of it necessarily as access before. But prior to us doing the breakfast box scenario, I had a drawer in the fridge that was like, this is all fair game to eat for breakfast or to eat for a snack. And part of it was I found that my kids were naturally going to the pantry, which is where we tended to have more sugary, more sweets, more of that kind of stuff like processed. And I was like, well, sometimes I want to be able to put string cheese but that's not in the pantry, or want to offer yogurt or you know, and so I just moved even if it was typically a pantry food, I was like this is the place you come to get your stuff. This is a place where the snacks are that you have access to. And it was just like, Okay, this is the family rule for now. That it was all fair game and part of that was just changing where they accessed food so I could offer different choices. And yeah, I didn't really think of it like that before. But yeah, that was access, judging how they access it.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Well, it sounds like you made it in some ways more maybe appealing which is important for anybody. It's important right to make to make however you're going towards a more appealing or even talking about it in appealing ways.
Mackenzie Johnson:I think of the pretty pictures of the pretty rice bowls or the pretty smoothie bowls, or is that a thing? And I really got the trend, different kinds of bowls, but they're always pretty in the picture. But once you're eating it, I'm mixing my rice bowl with all my stuff together. It's not pretty once it's mixed, so we leave it unmixed when it's served.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh yeah.
Mackenzie Johnson:Because you want the appeal.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, we love appealing food. Appealing food often costs more money, which I don't know if it's different. But I think we'll get into this when I talk about picky eating. But a strategy for picky eaters or better food acceptances, I don't know if anyone's tried putting toothpicks in food for especially picky eaters and creating more of a, Oh, it's on a toothpick.
Mackenzie Johnson:Like some novelty, some newness and excitement to it. Yeah. Awesome. All right. So structure, kind of that organization, the environment, the atmosphere, we create. Now what about autonomy support? That's a different one, right? We use the word autonomy sometimes like independence, choice, etc. Tell us about that.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, autonomy support. So this, by definition, is supporting the child's developing psychological autonomy and independence by supporting of the child's self-feeding skills, engaging with food choice and preferences and nutritional knowledge. Okay, so a lot. So yeah, very technical. So essentially, providing encouragement and support to help your child be a more independent eater and really internalize those healthful eating behaviors.
Mackenzie Johnson:Love that. And so yeah, the things that are gonna promote choice, right, that sounds very authoritative. It sounds very responsive, in that responsiveness column of things for when we think about those styles. So this could be things like, I mean, one thing on the list here from this report says encouragement and praise, right? So encouraging our kids to try something or encouraging them to experiment with their food, or encouraging them like, oh, yeah, maybe you're gonna take a sniff, instead of taking a bite, but encouraging our kids in a positive way. So that's different than manipulating, pressuring. Right? But that positive encouragement so that it's a positive experience. And then right alongside that, it also talks about praise, getting excited about the pear and the catsup because it was a pear. Yeah, I love that you try that. That was awesome. What do you think? Or just that kind of praise. You know, I noticed you seem full and you stopped or I noticed you're still hungry and you asked for more. I love when you listen to your body, you know, whatever that sounds like, but that we're encouraging with that positive, right? Like the child still makes the choice, but that we're offering positive encouragement.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Anything we can do to help support that internalization. That wherever they're being motivated to eat that healthy food.
Mackenzie Johnson:All right, well, what's another one here? How about reasoning? Reasoning as autonomy support?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Reasoning is important to help a child understand, build that competence, that awareness, that understanding about what they're eating, so, you know, providing some explanation around why we're eating this. Or what's the benefit of eating this? Those types of things. And I think it goes along well with encouraging, right, so encouraging someone to eat something because it makes you feel a certain way, or maybe don't eat it, because it makes you feel a certain way.
Mackenzie Johnson:I even think of like my mom saying, we would eat something that she grew up eating. I was like, this isn't very good, mom. But when the response was something like, this meal brings me joy because my mom used to make it for me when I was sick, right? Or like, this meal is sentimental to me, or I think this is important because it helps our body grow. Or this was a really good meal for what we could afford this week. But offering age appropriate reasoning for her food, I mean, for any parenting decision, but for food, too, like it tracks.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yeah, definitely.
Mackenzie Johnson:Another one that it says here is child involvement. Think about what that might look like.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:So I think that it could look like a lot of things. Involving your child in every step of the eating and feeding process. So all the way from, you know, if you garden or if you grow your own food, doing that with your kids, so they start to understand, oh, this is where food comes from. So maybe get to that a little bit of reasoning part but having your child come to the store with you. Go to wherever you get your food and help you pick out that food. So really building that, oh, I picked out this food, I got it home, it's available for me, I want to eat it because I picked it out. And then of course, I think preparing food with your kids is a really important and positive way. So they feel invested in, I made this food so I want to eat this food. So there's lots of great tools tools out there for your kid to help you prepare food. So age appropriate, nice cutting boards. My son, actually for his early first birthday present just got what we call a kitchen helper where it's like a little, I don't know.
Mackenzie Johnson:Like the tower to stand at the counter?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, we're gonna call it a little prison to stand at the counter. But it's a safety structure to keep him at the counter with me.
Mackenzie Johnson:Yeah, that's awesome. And so yeah, whatever that involvement looks like for you as a parent. You know, I think of like, I have friends who are like, yeah, it'd be cool if I my kid would help me cook except for I would hate that. Right? I am Type A in the kitchen. I don't like the mess. I don't like that. It's not a fun experience for me. It's like, okay, that's okay. You don't have to give your kids that. Maybe a child involvement is helping set the table. Maybe a child involvement is helping you choose the menu for the week. Maybe it's going to wherever you're getting your food with you. And so figuring out what that looks like, and I even think child involvement with, you know, we're talking a lot about younger kids, but older kids too, right? I remember as a teen, I was kind of in charge of one meal a week that I was supposed to help choose what it was, like what we were having, help choose what did we need, where we were going to get our food in order to make it? If I needed to get something out of the freezer to prepare it. And then I was in charge of cooking and all that and it was like, Okay, that was the night I was involved in doing that. And it also helped build some of those skills for me that I needed to become an independent adult.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I think it's very important and you kind of even referenced this whole part of involvement in whatever process it is, it also moves into structure. So if you talk about meal planning, that's a way to provide some routine structure of what's your plan and things like that.
Mackenzie Johnson:And I would say, our current stage of life, we're about 50%. Typically, we have one week where it's like, okay, this is the plan. These are the ingredients we need. This is the stuff we have on hand. This is what we're gonna, yadda, yadda. And then the second week is like, well, I mean, I think there's something in the fridge. We have milk, okay, we might have to get by without... But so figuring out what that structure can look like, what is a way that makes sense for you with your strengths and resources to offer it? And same thing with thinking about that involvement with your strengths and resources? What does child involvement look like? And then there's one more category here, which I mean, feel like is the one for you to speak to. It talks about one option for autonomy support, is offering nutrition information and knowledge and education to our kids. Tell us about that one? And I even think we went through this and
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, yes. I mean, think about you as Oh, yeah. I mean, obviously, I'm going to be invested in learning about this. But, you know, again, helping kids kind of goes back to the reasoning and for one of my kids was having trouble going to the bathroom providing them understanding about the benefits of why for a while and talking about, okay, we're gonna have more they're eating what they they eat, and why they're making those decisions. They might be more likely to make the healthy choice or make the choice that you want them to make. an adult. How do you feel when you know a little bit more about fruits. We're gonna work on having more fruit. We even did some prune juice. But we're talking about how that food functions, how that food helps our body function, as opposed to, we eat this because you must, because I say so. Because it's like, yeah, food does help us with certain things in our bodies. And we can understand that, and that's a good thing to be able to pass on to our kids. your food? Are you feeling a little bit more confident that you are competent, that you can make those healthy decisions?
Mackenzie Johnson:Absolutely. Okay. And then there's a third category or dimension here called coercive control. So there was autonomy support, structure, and coercive control. Tell us about that one.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Okay. So coercive control is definition here, parents, pressure, intrusiveness, and dominance in relation to child's feelings, thoughts and behaviors, specifically around food.
Mackenzie Johnson:So sounds a little more of the style of authoritarian.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Right. Yes. Controlling means controls in there. It's controlling. Yes.
Mackenzie Johnson:All right. And so a few strategies that are kind of mixed in here. And some of these are ones that researchers are telling us aren't so helpful, right? They don't help guide our kids to be healthy independent eaters. One of the ones that I feel like is common, I mean, that I've even practiced semi-recently is this idea of threats and bribes around food. But that is like a manipulation that is about control, isn't it?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh yes, it's about control and really what it's doing and what you're trying to control, again, I think a lot of people try to control from this really positive place where all they control and tell you what to eat then I'm doing the right thing as a parent because you're going to eat what I said, but really it's counterproductive in the way that you're potentially pairing bad connotations or bad habits with a food. So when I think about bribing someone for food to say, if you eat the rest of your food or clean plate club, if you eat all of this food, then you get dessert, right? So what you're doing is you're saying that you get this reward, so the reward being the dessert, for the good thing. A reward is good.
Mackenzie Johnson:Dessert is good.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah, for finishing the rest of your food or a specific food you want them to eat. Broccoli is just one I always go to. You eat this yucky bad food, broccoli, and you get this reward of this good food for eating the bad things. So what you're doing is you're just reinforcing this idea that there's this there's this reward.
Mackenzie Johnson:And that food is tied to that. Yeah, when we're using bribes, especially teaching our kids that there's good foods and then there's foods you have to tolerate. And yeah, when we do that with whatever it might be, I also think of like, we're potty training. And like the M&M, oh, you went on the potty. You get a fruit snack. You went on the potty. You get this and it is like we're trying to control your behavior instead of just encourage. We want to encourage the potty training behavior, but we want it to be intrinsic. Right? I don't want you to stop using the potty when I stop giving M&Ms kind of thing, which actually you have to. No one's gonna give you an M&M for the rest of your life.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Wouldn't that be nice. There's M&Ms in every bathroom.
Mackenzie Johnson:But that also the idea of, I feel like I don't
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yeah. And I think especially when hear it as often now, but this idea of going to bed without dinner, like you were naughty and you don't get to eat. And we don't want our kids, like that creates kind of complicated feelings around food, right? you're talking about restricting food or withholding food, it's kind of counterproductive to what we really want, which is we want our kids to eat food, right? So for them to grow and to develop. So I think threatening if you don't eat dinner, then you don't get a snack or something like that, it's negative in the fact that it's going to be counterproductive. They might end up not getting enough food then because they didn't eat their dinner, and then they didn't get their snack, or they're going to maybe end up eating too much at snack or something like that. So it ends up not going the way you want it to go.
Mackenzie Johnson:When I think of the difference in serving sizes, which I've had to really, like actively work on serving my kids, a tablespoon, like what? It's just like, okay, that is how much you can start with. And it's less overwhelming to start with that amount. And then thinking about, yeah, if we're not paying attention, or maybe someone else gets my kid's plate, that if it's like a heaping serving, and if the rule is always clean your plate, if the rule is always just the pressure to finish, that's not them listening to their body, and that might be them over eating and then not feeling so good. Or if the dessert is always, well, you have to get through the supper to get to the yummy, good dessert reward. So one thing we've worked on is, oh, you'd like to have it right now, we might choose ice cream. We'd like to have some ice cream if we have that available and either serving it alongside the meal or talking about it like, oh, if we'd like to also have ice cream with this, we want to save room for it. And acknowledging it. I do that, right? If I know I'm going to be going somewhere sometimes it's like, oh, I need to eat something. But I don't want to eat too much because I want to eat later. And that process of learning to listen to our bodies, we want our kids to be able to do that, too. And when we are controlling and coercing, we're kind of getting in the way of that and that instinct.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh, yeah. Yeah, that self-regulation, the realization of when you're full and when you're not, those kinds of things. And I think this also gives you, the parent, an opportunity to model positive behaviors if you're not restricting or you're not threatening.
Mackenzie Johnson:And yeah, a couple other of these kinds of opposite sides of the spectrum is talking about that restriction. Like you were saying, that's an example of control, but also the pressure to eat. Those are kind of opposite ends of the spectrum. But I feel like that we see a lot, right? And even from the loving adult female, the matriarch of the family, like, oh, you didn't have enough to eat like. Oh, you'd better go get seconds. Oh, nope, you're not getting seconds tonight, you must not like it. Even like joking there. And it's like, I'm cool. Or maybe I just didn't like it. But that pressure can go against that instinct to listen to your body and to listen to your hunger. And I also think it can get really scary, you know, in terms of restriction. As parents sometimes, maybe we have a fear of our child being obese, or we have a fear with a health condition, you know, or something that can result in really rigid restriction, and that can also lead to eating disorders and things like that. And so you have that coercive, how can we kind of lean away from the coercive and lean more towards structure, right? That's like appropriate expectation and demandingness as opposed to coercive control. Is that fair to say that they're not total opposites, but that they fall in different places on the line?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, definitely. Fair to say.
Mackenzie Johnson:Awesome. All right. So those are the three main categories of the food parenting practices, autonomy support, structure and coercive control. So those are some of the common areas there's been research around, right? And food parenting practices.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Yes, yes. That is correct. Yeah. Again, what we can tell you from the research is that the coercive control is counterproductive to the development of healthy eating habits. Whereas you want to see more of that support for autonomy, children's autonomy, that supportive structure to really help those healthy eating behaviors.
Mackenzie Johnson:And that's the goal, right, when we talk about food parenting practices. I love you said it in the first episode, and I've just decided that I've also adopted it, raising healthy and independent eaters. We love that. So we always end with a strategy, but I kind of feel like they were all strategies. Pretty concrete. So I guess that's gonna move us into our Stop. Breathe. Talk. space with our producer, Mackenzie DeJong. She comes in and asks us a question. We don't usually know what's coming. I am hoping that maybe I have a clue. But I don't. What do you got for us, Kenz?
Mackenzie DeJong:All right. So we talk a lot about how we might adjust our parenting styles or our parenting practices around food. But how do we handle it if we have grandparents or aunts maybe.
Mackenzie Johnson:The aunt herself. She covers her face.
Mackenzie DeJong:I don't know what you're talking about. It can be on either end of the spectrum, that they're overindulgent, or maybe around their culture or around their background, but then they can maybe be that authoritative. Like, how do we have those conversations with them? Or do we need to have conversations with them around our practices around food? Did I ask that question in a way that made any sort of sense? Okay, generally, I think you know what I'm saying. Right?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Do you want to know if you should be talking to your nephew, right?
Mackenzie DeJong:I actually have a niece and three nephews.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Okay. So you want to know if the parents of those need to have a conversation with you?
Mackenzie DeJong:Maybe? Or as a parent? Do we need to have that conversation? And or how do we have that conversation?
Mackenzie Johnson:What do you say, Lyndi?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:I think it's up to the parent, really. But I think it depends too, because I think there's a couple of different ways we could look at it. The first one being, how active is that grandparent or that other caregiver in the life of your child? Is it an everyday kind of thing? Are they living with your family? Are they primary caregivers outside of whatever parent there is in your family? If that's the case, then I would say, probably yes. We talked about a lot of the things today, structure that's routines, right? So if they're actively a part of their everyday routine, you probably want to have a conversation with them about how you want them to be feeding your child and what practices you want them to be engaging in. If it's maybe every once in a while, I don't know. I think that's up to you again as a parent to allow or maybe it's up to your child again, to make those decisions about what they're eating, when they're eating, or whether they eat it or not.
Mackenzie Johnson:I would say yeah, I kind of was gonna go that direction of having conversations with your child. I lean into, I love that Ellen Sattar intuitive eating and the division of responsibility. And so talking with my kids about okay, you like Grandma and Papa. That's our grandparent partnership in our family. Okay, Grandma and Papa are planning to take you here. Remember last time you had this you didn't feel very good. Not in a manipulative way but helping them think about or prepare for. Like yeah, if you're gonna go stay for a week or if this is every day, how they talk to you about this. And sometimes I'll say to my child, well, I guess I need to disagree with that. You know, grandma said this and I guess I disagree. What do you think? And so sometimes we have those kinds of conversations if someone shares a value around food that I disagree with, but I have had some assertive, hopefully respectful conversations with other caregivers in my children's life about like, it's really important to us that our kids choose how much they eat. And that doesn't always sit well with everybody and doesn't align with their feeding style. So that's kind of a tough thing sometimes. But that ultimately, they're your kids. As parents, you get to decide what values your family has around food. But trying to do that in a respectful way, especially if that person's caring for your child, right? Hopefully, that's someone that you respect and care about. So thinking, I mean, my interpersonal communication skills would say use an iMessage. I am concerned about what my child is eating or I am concerned, I heard this or so lots of different ways. I would say it on an occasional basis. I'd probably just like, oh, well, you know, every once in a while that happens. But yeah, if it is a regular occurrence, and if it causes you a lot of concern, that means you can address it either with your child or with that person.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:XXXXAnd it doesn't mean you can't provide them some of the practices we talked about today, like positive reinforcement, praise, encouragement, having them be a part of the involvement in the process of whatever that looks like for you. So if your grandparent loves to garden, then encourage them to go garden, but maybe the availability to the foods you don't want them to have is gonna be higher in their household, and you know, maybe be okay with them. And if you're not okay with that, then that's conversation that needs to be had.
Mackenzie Johnson:It's tricky. Yeah. Only you and your co-parent can decide, you know, when it needs addressing, and if it needs addressing. Sure, sure.
Mackenzie DeJong:Well, thank you.
Mackenzie Johnson:Better go call your sister.
Mackenzie DeJong:Well, my problem is that I want to be the cool aunt. Like, yeah, let's go get ice cream.
Mackenzie Johnson:And that's great. Ice cream can be a part of what you eat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thinking realistic, all those things. And I do I see naturally, how I even have gotten into this with my in-laws and having the discussion around like, you're right, you're their grandparents, you can indulge them. Because you don't have to, it's not that you don't care about their well being. But you don't have the same responsibility of being the parent who has to make sure that's balanced with something else. Right, you get to be the fun because you don't have to be the heavy. Fine, I'm okay with my child having that in their lives. As long as like we can respect that it's different. And that's what makes sense for my family.
Mackenzie DeJong:Yeah, all right. Awesome.
Mackenzie Johnson:Oh, yes, it's food parenting practices, so much good stuff. And yeah, that the research tells us when we can offer that structure, right, that environment, that atmosphere, that kind of the organization, our kids know what to expect. They have opportunities to engage with it and get involved, you know, and that leans into that autonomy support, encouraging them to have some choice, to have some ownership, and to have a positive experience around food. And then the research tells us that those coercive strategies, those rewards and bribes and restriction and pressure, that those really don't promote healthful eating behaviors and things like that. And so there was a whole bunch of strategies here that you could kind of tap into in your toolbox and maybe realizing that some of the tools you've had in the past like, okay, I need to reflect on this practice. And if it still makes sense for my family and maybe it does. In other times, maybe it doesn't, and so, only you get to decide that.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Definitely, and I would say grasp on to those practices you heard today that you're doing well and yeah, try to try to put some more in your toolbox if you can.
Mackenzie Johnson:Absolutely. So what do we have coming next week, Lyndi?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:Oh, you're gonna love this. Okay, so next week...
Mackenzie Johnson:Will I?
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:I think so. I don't know. We're gonna go in and look at temperament and food.
Mackenzie Johnson:Mm hmm. And I am so excited to get into it. So much good stuff to talk about related to temperament and food. So Lyndi and my interest, and really a borrowed interest or learned interest from Lori, her legacy lives on, on temperament. So thank you so much for joining us this week. Be sure you come back next week. Don't forget that you can follow us on social media at scienceofparents on Facebook and Twitter.
Lyndi Buckingham-Schutt:So come along as we tackle the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and the research and reality all around The Science of Parenting.
Anthony Santiago:The Science of Parenting is hosted by Mackenzie Johnson, produced by Mackenzie DeJong, with research and writing by Barbara Dunn Swanson. Send in questions and comments to parenting@iastate.edu and connect with us on Facebook and Twitter. This institution is an equal opportunity provider. For the full non-discrimination statement or accommodation inquiries, go to www.extension.iastate.edu/diversity/ext.