The Science of Parenting

What is Temperament? | S.7 Ep.1

October 07, 2021 Season 7 Episode 1
The Science of Parenting
What is Temperament? | S.7 Ep.1
Show Notes Transcript

Our temperament is given to us genetically at birth. As we grow, our environment begins to form around our temperament. At each stage of growth, our temperament can shape how and when we reach our developmental milestones. 

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Mackenzie Johnson:

Hey, welcome to The Science of Parenting podcast, where we connect you with research based information that fits your family. We will talk about the realities of being a parent and how research can help guide our parenting decisions. I'm Mackenzie Johnson, parent of two littles with their own quirks. And I'm a parenting educator.

Lori Korthals:

And I'm Lori Korthals, parent of three in two difference life stages. Two that are launched, and one is still in high school. And I am also a parenting educator. And here we are in season seven.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yeah, we're already in it. Look at us go.

Lori Korthals:

Yes. I don't know that I ever imagined there would be a season seven.

Mackenzie Johnson:

But oh, I know, we're going to a million without stopping. Prepare yourself.

Lori Korthals:

Okay, I'm preparing. I am preparing. I will use my adaptability and prepare for season seven. Because I can do that as we learn more about temperament in season seven.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Look at that segue. So in season seven, that we are going to be kind of looking at blending two previous seasons together. Right. And so like season three, last fall, we talked a lot about temperament. Lori's favorite topic of all the topics. And then in season five this spring, we talked a lot about kind of the different ages and stages, right, like infants versus toddlers versus preschoolers. And this season, we're really kind of gonna meld those together. We're going to take a temperament lens to look at kind of big common tasks that kids work on, right. So like toddlers tend to have tantrums. And what's the temperament? What's the temperament view on that? What influences that? How can we connect with our specific kid about this specific thing? So that's what we're looking at. We're gonna blend that together here in season seven.

Lori Korthals:

We are. And I mean, I think it's super important to think about the fact that, you know, when we when we look at temperament, it is important to think about that each individual stage that children go through is impacted by temperament. So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna spend seven, eight weeks talking about it.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Mm hmm. And so one of the things that we want to point out which, you know, I don't really feel like we talked a lot about, which how do we get past? How did we get through season three without talking about it. But so like the beginning of every parenting textbook I've ever had to read for school, for college, or grad school, whatever. This idea of bi-directional, that parenting is bi-directional, is always what comes up. So we actually have a citation I want to read from Dr. Diane Lange. Right. An Iowa State professor who we love, and parents and family issues and diverse contexts. And so she talks about that parenting is bi-directional. And let me tell you what we mean by that. Not only do as parents and caregivers do we impact our kids, but our children influence us as parents and primary caregivers. They do. Like their gender, like their temperament, their birth order, their health status, this huge variety of things, all the child characteristics also influence us as parents. And man, how are we a parenting podcast who's gotten into season seven without bringing that up? We're bringing it up now. I mean, we have a million more seasons to go. So we do, right. But yes, this idea of, you know, I think about even as infants, you know, we're gonna be looking at these stages, if I have, and I can speak to this because I had very different babies. My infant that was a little more fussy and a little bit crankier, I didn't maybe feel as effective as a parent all the time, right? It was more difficult to soothe them or they didn't sleep well, or whatever it was, versus how I felt right, that impacted my behavior as a parent, how I felt. Their characteristics impacted how I felt which impacted my behavior. And then on the flip side, when I had a child that was easier to soothe, that slept better, that all of these things, I felt a little more effective, like, got this in the bag. I got this. Right? And so again, their characteristics of being easy to soothe made me feel more effective, which impacted my parenting. So we impact our kids with our behaviors, but our kids' behaviors and temperament and health status and, and, and, and, and then impact us. The way that we parent, and the way that we feel is affected by our specific kid and why it's different to parent each one.

Lori Korthals:

Our own reality impacting research maybe? How about that? Research and reality coexist if you haven't gotten that yet. Alright, so let's start off, we'd like to start off with a little definition about what we're talking about. So just as a quick reminder, our definition of temperament is from Mary Rothbart and colleagues. And according to them, we talk about temperament as that physiological basis or in your body, it's your body, there are individual differences that come up when we react to situations. We self-regulate or calm ourselves down differently. That's a bodily physiological type of function. We're motivated differently. We, you know, our affect or our attention to different things. All of that is different. It's individual. And so temperament is our genetic predisposition. We can actually predict behaviors when we really understand temperament. And so it's with us from the very beginning. And I love how Mary Sheedy Kursinka talks about it, when she talks about as the core. So think of a couple of circles together, right, and there's inside the big circle is a little circle, and that's the core. And she says that that's temperament. Those are our genes. Our genes provide the template to our behaviors, our reactions, and then the environment, how people respond and react to us. begin to kind of build out more circles. And that provides us with opportunities for learning the skills to help us manage the temperament that we got genetically, right.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Oh, yes. And okay. You said something there. That I feel like you said kind of quickly, and I want to make sure that everybody heard it. Okay. Temperament is a way that we can predict our kids' behaviors. Yeah, because it's about that pattern of behavior, right? That pattern of reactions and interactions with the world. I can anticipate that my slow warm up kid may have a hard time even though it went fine at a dentist last time, this time, literally this last week that I took my child that's slow to warm up to the dentist. This time was hard again.

Lori Korthals:

Right. And when that child is 21, like I had this weekend, 21, slow to warm up. I still needed to anticipate, but I could predict it and be prepared.

Mackenzie Johnson:

I think that is like the key word that I'm like, oh, why temperament? You can predict it. Yes. You can anticipate like, Okay, this particular child will likely have this particular pattern of reaction. Exactly. Because I can guess yeah, because it's permanent. It's true. It is.

Lori Korthals:

Yes. Oh, yes.

Mackenzie Johnson:

And I think looking at that temperament, right? Barb, our writer and kind of content curator, reminded us a lot in season three about temperament as a gift, right? That it's a gift that we receive, that we didn't get to choose. It's a gift that our kids receive, if they're our biological children, receive from us and our co-parents. But that is a gift. And the beautiful thing about viewing it as a gift, right? We didn't get to choose it. But when we think about it as a gift, a gift is something that we value and appreciate. Right? We take care of it. Yeah. And so I love that idea of this temperament is a gift and when we view it that way, and we think about the unique way that our kids come into the world, and are gonna interact with the world that way. Barb said this beautifully, like I'm a little teary. I love how she wrote...believing that the unique way that our kids come into the world is going to propel them forward during difficult days and bless us during our most joyful, right. So that it's a gift. Yes, but well that we love that. Right? That temperament is, it's gonna help us get through hard times

Lori Korthals:

It is totally a gift and if you listen to season but it's also going to bless us. I think of, I joke about my sp rited daughter, but oh my go h, that girl makes me laugh. Ri ht? Like oh, I mean, I love both my kids so much. But I do someti es it's like yeah, this is c allenging for me. And, and right And it's so fulfillin and it's a gift. six, then you you can hear Barb's voice and just her voice delivering that message of it being a gift and then creating this word picture of I can see the gift and if you think about what Mary Sheedy Kurcinka talks about it like a core and you think about that core inside the gift like inside the gift is the gift, right? It's the present, the thing, and then you put a box around it or tissue paper or confetti. You might add a card, you might add wrapping paper and a bow. But inside there is that thing. That's the gift. And that's what temperament is. It's all stuff. Yeah.

Mackenzie Johnson:

All the stuff around isn't the actual gift. It's the personality. It's the way it's shaped and packaged by the environment. But the temperament is at the core. Yes. Oh, I love that. I like that word picture.

Lori Korthals:

Yeah. Love it, love it. And really, as we think about this, all of us are different individuals as we're born. Everyone's individual. And so we begin to think about how can we appreciate our children's temperament? How can we understand it? How can we think about their behavior in a different way, and Mary Sheedy Kurcinka also talks about nudging and practicing with our children to help them learn to behave differently, to help them learn to cope with what we gave them. And sometimes people say, oh, gosh, Lori, you know, your kids must have never had any behavior problems. And I think, oh, gosh, my kids were kids, like they were children growing up, and I was growing up with them. And all along I was practicing and nudging and helping hopefully teach them how to deal with the temperament that I genetically gave them along with my co-parent. Right? So those are the things that we can appreciate. If you think about season three, Mackenzie, what did you come to appreciate about temperament in that season?

Mackenzie Johnson:

Holy cow, lots of things. One, I want to say I appreciated Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and how we got to speak to her. I don't think what you're asking. But if you haven't heard that episode, go back and listen to that. Oh, that's like, gotta be topic for me. Okay. Anyway, what I actually learned about temperament. And I think that I've been reflecting on in the last year, since we, you know, really dove deep into it. I think of kind of two things. I think of how I've been able to see, right? See those temperament traits play out in my kids like, this pattern of behavior is related to this trait. And so I do, I think about that, but I also think of some of the similarities and differences between my kids. So like, I have two intense children, like me. My spouse is very mild. So he's outnumbered. But I think being able to see that and learning to appreciate that as a gift of, yes, sometimes it means when we arrive somewhere, we bring noise, right? My intense children and I bring the volume level up. But also my intense children, I get to know where they're at. Right? Absolutely. It doesn't feel like a secret like what's going on with you? Like, no, I know, I know what's going on with you. Your intensity shows me and so learning to appreciate that similarity between them but also a difference between them is one of them is more kind of distractible, perceptive than the other. So that's something I feel like even just in the last few months have been really learning about. When my daughter was a toddler, I could use that distractibility to my advantage of like, oh, the whining, or whatever it was, look at this. And that was a little bit easier. And my son is not quite as distractible. And so appreciating how that was a gift to me as a parent with my daughter, but also realizing like, okay, but how is this gonna be? How is his less distractibility going to be gift to me here, too.

Lori Korthals:

And as he grows, how will being less distractible be such a great gift that you gave him? And think about? Oh, yeah. You know, just that idea. And that's really what we're going to talk about this whole season is how to find those gifts at different stages. So, you know, it might have felt really challenging when they were a toddler, and not very adaptable. But now all of a sudden, as a teen, you know, they're not very adaptable, which means that their friends might not talk them into spontaneous risk taking activities. And so that's, you know, that's kind of where we're gonna land this whole season.

Mackenzie Johnson:

What about you? Are you thinking about a certain thing? I mean, you've known temperament for a long time, but we did dive it last fall. So what have you been thinking about?

Lori Korthals:

We did and it has been so awesome to be able to kind of go back to my roots, in terms of really applying those temperament traits, the knowledge of temperament and understanding, you know. My kids are older, they're 24, 21 and 16. And how I understood them as, you know, middle school children, elementary school aged children, I'm still utilizing temperament information, goodness of fit and understanding to help them with the tasks and challenges of being young adults, right?

Mackenzie Johnson:

You just summarized temperament and parenting in those quick words.

Lori Korthals:

I'm gonna have to go back to listen to the recording to see what I said. But you know, parenting my older two daughters through their teens is different than parenting my youngest daughter through her teens. So you don't get to be like, one and done, check mark, check the box, learned it. I'm still practicing temperament, and I'm practicing it in adult relationships as well, which is super awesome about temperament that this is a life span skill that you can utilize.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Oh, yes. Well, and I, you know, my co-parent, my partner and I have different temperament, I mean, some similarities and some differences. And then yeah, seeing that in our kids, but even my younger sister is kind of transitioning into the world and she's living with us right now. And so it's been really interesting to see how her and I, our temperament is different, and how that comes out to play in the tasks that she's working on as an emerging adult. And it's in every relationship, like you're a part of who you are, right? It's at the core in this personality, but the interactions that you have, so largely based in it. Oh, it's

Lori Korthals:

This totally led us right into the other piece of crazy. research that we want to talk about today, which was William Carey and Chuck Devon's book, Understanding Your Child's Temperament. And they really talked about how important it is for parents to understand their children's behavior by considering their genetic temperament. There are quite a few different research articles, and I mean, oodles, how about not even quite a few. Yeah, around temperament that says, when you begin to understand, you feel more confident in your parenting. Your emotional regulation helps teach your children there's. Thomas and Chess talk about goodness of fit, which means that you know, you're making better connections with your kids. And what you're doing as you learn about temperament research says is that you're learning to respond in a way that supports the child instead of from the perspective of what's wrong with them, and how can I fix them. And we know that challenging behaviors are frustrating. How children respond can push our buttons. And so there's this little two step process. I love that, you know, Bill Carey and Sean McDevitt talk about it. So step one is actually essentially remembering that temperament is genetic, so they got their temperament from someone. And it might be you, just sayin, right. So step one, remember where their temperament came from. And then step two, is to really begin to think about how can we be supportive of that natural tendency? We don't necessarily have to say, Oh, well, they're misbehaving. And so that's just how it is. That's not what it's about at all. It's about okay, there's a misbehavior. I understand their temperament and what pieces of this behavior is caused by their temperament. How can I teach them techniques that support their temperament to help them handle what they came with genetically and improve that behavior?

Mackenzie Johnson:

Oh, yes. And I think, okay, so two steps, right, like, all right, parenting temperament, understanding these things. One is acknowledging is genetic. And yes, where it came from, but I think also acknowledging this temperament is not changing, right? It's genetic. And so step one is to acknowledge, understand their temperament. And then step two, how to help them interact with the world, right, how to support them, and teach them the skills they need. And yeah, skills that my one child needs because of their temperament are different than the skills my other child needs because of their temperament. Absolutely.

Lori Korthals:

And even when they're 21.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Okay, what about five and two? Yeah, definitely. But I think the other interesting part about it is yes, I think sometimes when we use that term, like goodness of fit that we've used a lot or you know, we use it with temperament, but also the idea of supporting your child and their temperament. I think sometimes people do have the misconception that's like, Oh, this their temperament. Okay, this is just how it goes. And they think that's what we mean. Like, I think you're so right, that people assume it's a, Well, I mean, my child is less adaptable. I mean, I don't want to push them. free

Lori Korthals:

Free pass! Free pass to misbehavior. No, that's not it.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yes. No, but I do think you have some really great notes in here about how we put those pieces together of I understand your temperament and I see it. I acknowledge it's not going to change and that temperament is going to influence your behavior. Yeah, so the behavior is what I can help guide as a parent, right? That I can say these are desired behaviors, these are undesired. The toddler tantrum in the middle of the grocery store is an undesired behavior for me. That is not what I want. And so then I can think about like, this is influenced by your temperament helps me understand why it's happening. And I can say, this is inappropriate behavior. So the way that we react as parents to our kids' behaviors. Yes. Separating temperament from behavior. Yeah, the way we react and guide their behavior, while also acknowledging and supporting their temperament, right? Like, the skills that they need to learn. My less adaptable child, I'm very adaptable, and so it stretches me a little to be like, Okay, this change is unexpected and is hard for you, just let it go. No, wait. Not that. This change is unexpected, and it's hard for you. Okay, what are some of the skills that you think about? We need to think about flexible thinking, Okay, some of the things that we can do, I can help you prepare. It might go like this, it might go like this, this could go this way, right. And so those skills that we can do that, we can guide their behavior and give them a positive sense about who they are as people because that temperament is who they're always going to be.

Lori Korthals:

Absolutely. And you just said something that Barb said too and I underlined it. And I thought, we have to say this. I'm here to help. Like, here's what your temperament is, and I'm here to help.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yes, I know you're angry. I cannot let you hit. That is not safe. I have to keep you safe and I'm here to help.

Lori Korthals:

I'm here to help.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yes, I'm here to help. So thinking about the idea of as parents, we can influence behavior that we want to be intentional about honoring and supporting our child's temperament, helping them understand how it's good, and helping them learn the skills that they need. You know, we think about helping guide that behavior. And I don't know, I guess I just feel like we should talk through some of our own examples, too, of, how does that impact you? How are you interacting with your kids in a way you think about, temperaments not changing and I could guide behavior. Like, where's that fit for you?

Lori Korthals:

Okay, so I think about, I probably think most about my middle daughter and how sometimes, even at 21, she's not very adaptable. Even at 21, she is going to maybe have that more somber, serious, more negative mood, even at 21. You know, she is not going to be as approaching and so I still need to teach her. And the nice thing is that because of her age, I can say, I'm guessing you might be feeling like this. You know, even though you have to walk into that door and go do this job interview, here are some skills that I'm here to help you learn to make that go better. Yeah, right. Understanding that I can't just say, oh, well, you know her, she's a family friend, just go in and chat with her. No, the temperament at the very core still says, I'm uncomfortable. I've not ever done this before. I've never been in the small room with her before. Yes, I know her. But. So that's how I use temperament still, as my children are older. And think about how can I support their natural tendencies?

Mackenzie Johnson:

Oh, definitely. Yes. And that separation of like, this is what's happening. That's not bad. Like your temperament is not bad. It's neither here nor there. It just is. And it's a beautiful thing that makes you you and I can help guide you.

Lori Korthals:

Yes.

Mackenzie Johnson:

This summer I took my daughter, my spirited, funny daughter. I literally sent a text to my husband, things she has said to me so far in the car. I had a running list of funny things she said that cracked me up. But one of the things that wasn't cracking me up so much, I have a pretty low activity level. And so we took a long road trip to get to see this family friend and that to me, it's like okay, let's get in. Let's go. Let's go for a long time, knock it out. She was restless, her high activity level, right. And so pretty often, it was like are we there, when do we stop, what are we doing? You know, and so on the way there especially, we kind of struggled through that. And then on the way home, I was better prepared. Right on the way there did practice. Practice. Yes, I maybe could have predicted it on the way there a little better. I was worried about getting on the road. But I think about that restlessness. That's the temperament that wasn't going to change. We had a better plan for how she could do some movement in the car with dance parties, and those kinds of things. But also, literally, I just had to laugh. We stopped to go to the bathroom at a rest stop or gas station. And then she was literally like dancing in the bathroom on the little tiles dancing around. Oh, girl, that is your temperament. And in some ways, it was like, Okay, this is weird. Why are your dancing? You know, in some ways, it was like that. But I was like, actually, you know what, this is a desired behavior for me. Yeah, dance it out? You love this song and it was about the behavior, she was dancing. She was getting that movement out. So her body felt better in the car. And so it was just like, the temperament is the restlessness. I can't change that. But it's how it's appropriate to express that, how it's appropriate to fill that need, was stuff I could give more thought to. And so that was, yeah, the restless road trip and the restless route. I could just drive like at least halfway before we have to stop. That was a no go.

Lori Korthals:

But think about the fact that she's also five. And so yeah, part of her development at this stage of time, is really about some of those large muscle movement activities. And so just because of her age, purely because of her age, her muscles are saying, yo, time to time to stretch me, time to reach me, time to dance me. And so that's what we're gonna do the rest of this season is say, okay, hey, let's look at that preschooler. Let's really talk about what is that preschooler learning to do right now? And you know, think about temperament in that way.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yeah, well, and in my head, I was like, okay, keep her busy in the car, was what I was thinking as a parent. And on the way there I didn't think through the, okay, find ways to help her move throughout our trip rather than just keep her busy. And so then on the way home, I was like, Okay, I saw that, I can reflect on that a little. We can do a little more on the way home, but I think, yeah, part of that temperament and part of that age. And I'm excited for how this is gonna work this season, for how we're going to dive into this idea of like, okay, you're this age, we have kids this age, what are they working on? And how does temperament influence it? Alright, so definitely this season, we are thinking about temperament again, getting back in that mind frame. And but looking at the specific ages. So far, we have reminded ourselves, right, we've reintroduced this idea of temperament as it's genetic, it's a part of who we are, it's at the core of who we are. And that, you know, as parents, we get to acknowledge that temperament, see it as it is, find ways to support it, that we can help guide their behavior, help me understand what's desired and undesired in their behavior. And, you know, that's really that term goodness of fit, which we use a lot in season three. And I know, we'll explore more definitely in this season. But yeah, we're gonna be looking at that. And then of course, we want to remind everybody, who are we leaning into this season, right, which researchers that we love in temperament?

Lori Korthals:

Well, Oh, yes. Yes, season three allowed us to reconnect with many of them personally. And so that has been super awesome. And I think that lends itself to even more cool research nerdy tidbits that we're going to share with you in season seven. But we rely heavily on the temperament theory behind Thomas and Chess, and there are nine temperament traits we look at. All nine traits have been gifted to us genetically, and how do we use those nine traits based on how much did we get? How much activity level did we get? How much adaptability did we get? And then of course, Thomas and Chess coined the phrase goodness of fit, which really, we've talked about that. So we're really gonna lean into those traits, looking at a toddler with high activity level or mythbusting. Some of those things that happen in infancy and if we look at some of that. Do you want me to share some of the episode highlights? Okay, okay.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Give us a sneak peek. What are we gonna be digging? Okay, let's see.

Lori Korthals:

So we look at the tasks of infancy or a challenge of infancy. One of the hard things about infancy is sleep, right? And so we're going to tap into this my favorite temperament researchers and see what they have to say about what temperament traits are really impacting sleep and what is it about sleep challenges that can be based on temperament. Think about mythbusting those terrible twos, right and let's turn those into terrific twos and, and those temper tantrums that happen and what pieces and parts of temperament are impacting those temper tantrums, and how can we learn about what those toddlers are really feeling developmentally, and then add temperament on that. And we're gonna do similar emotional types of things with preschoolers, with school aged children, we're gonna talk about socialization and getting into those friend groups, as well as looking at what is it that teachers can learn about temperament in their classroom and how to create different classroom environments. Teens, oh, gosh, those teens looking at becoming independent and autonomous. And I love getting to speak with teenagers about their own temperament. Because what it allows them to do is recognize that the things they're feeling, the mistakes that they might be making, the behaviors that drive other people to be frustrated with them, that they're still okay. As a human being, this temperament, we can learn how to work with that. And so I love talking with teenagers about their own temperaments. And then maybe at the end, we're just going to take a little bit of time and talk about special needs, diverse needs, you know, look at how temperament, because everyone has a temperament. Children with special and diverse needs also have temperaments and what are some specific temperament traits that can create challenges? Or what are some specific traits that we can begin to leverage to help them with some of those skills if they have a special or diverse need? So that's kind of our season, so stick around.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Well, and I feel like we should say, you know, we talked about it in season three, one thing to mention is that as a parent, you can take a profile. So understanding your own temperament. You can also do it for your child's temperament. So a couple places you can do that are temperament.com or preventiveoz.org. Both organizations have spent years researching temperament and parent child interactions. And there's all kinds of amazing stuff with that. But that's a really great way as you kind of follow along, and you're going to hear about these nine traits repeatedly through the season. And so if you're like, well, I mean, I think maybe. I was wrong. I will say that straight up. I was sure that one of my kids had this particular trait. And then I completed profiles, you know what, actually, it's that trait that I'm seeing in these instances. But if you need help getting connected with that, you can also email us. So you can email us with your questions about it at parenting@iastate.edu. So feel free to reach out to us to check out those profiles. So yes, all kinds of good stuff coming.

Lori Korthals:

Well, okay, so I know this is just the intro to season seven, do we invite our producer in? I don't have a button that says she can't come in. I don't know why.

Mackenzie Johnson:

I don't want a hard question today. All right.

Mackenzie DeJong:

Hi, no, you can't stop me. I gave you a whole season without me and you got Barb for a whole season.

Mackenzie Johnson:

We do love you. It's just that it's sometimes hard.

Mackenzie DeJong:

It was kind of nice for me to take a season off. And all I had to do was show up in my Tshirt and hair in a bun. And it was great but I'm happy to be back. And I'm going to really take it easy on you this first time around. Just in case anyone hasn't been with us before, let me introduce myself. I'm Mackenzie DeJong. I am the podcast producer. I'm also a family life educator, human sciences specialist with these ladies. So I work alongside them pretty much every day doing things and then I get to come back and ask them hard questions. And then I get to listen to them about 10 more times after this as I edit this.

Mackenzie Johnson:

She hears us on repeat.

Mackenzie DeJong:

Yes. So that's who I am. And for my question this week, I just want to know, what are you most excited about for this season? What are you most excited about?

Lori Korthals:

I can answer that right off the top of my head because it was so hard for me in season three. I mean, granted, if you've listened to season three, or if you go back, give yourself plenty of time because they did get longer than we wanted. But it was so hard for me to not keep sharing tidbits and information about, okay, okay, but if you try this, and this doesn't work, then you can try this. And so I love that we're going to be able to spend just dedicated time on each age and temperament.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yes, I'm excited to take the temperament lens on a specific opportunity or challenge with our kids at different ages. So yeah, we talked about temperament in general. We did get a chance to kind of do some sleep and temperament with McCall Gordon. But that was specifically more around our spirited kids. So getting the chance to dive into how temperament influences these common parenting challenges. Yes. And I also think I'm excited for the opportunity to kind of build empathy between parents from the lens of temperament. And I think of how learning about temperament has given me more empathy for other parents, like, yes, this is what I faced as a parent. And temperament is a big reason why it's different for you. Yeah. And so yes, I experienced this and you experience it differently and that doesn't mean we have to do it the same. That doesn't mean it's good or bad, it means it's different. And that we each are doing what we need to do for our kids. And so I'm also excited to hopefully spread around some of that insight that I've been able to gain from temperament as we look at these kind of specific challenges with our kids. Yay. Happy and I'm excited.

Mackenzie DeJong:

And I knew you guys were excited about this. And I just want our listeners to see how much excitement obviously. I mean, it's not hard to tell that you guys are excited about temperament. Our whole team loves temperament. But something for our listeners to continue to look forward to. So yeah, thank you. And I'll make it harder next time.

Lori Korthals:

Okay, well, we'll look forward to that.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yeah, yeah. So that's our Stop. Breathe. Talk. section with our producer Mackenzie DeJong. She does come in for this little bit towards the end of our episode, and throws us a question. We don't know what she's going to ask. But it requires us as hosts to practice our flagship parenting strategy, which is Stop. Breathe. Talk. So we call that our Stop. Breathe. Talk. space. So yes, stop, take a breath, and then speak with intention.

Lori Korthals:

So that's what our season seven is going to provide for you. Hopefully add more insight into not only the age of your child, the milestones that are happening, and some of the ways that we can support the gift that we gave them, right.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Once a day, we did, we felt like we needed to kind of bring back the foundation of Okay, it's been awhile since we've talked temperament, and kind of catch everybody up or if you're joining us for the first time, hello, we're so excited. Yes, you're welcome. You're welcome. But we wanted everyone to be caught up on this idea of temperament to reintroduce and meld these ideas together. And so yeah, that temperament is genetic. It's these nine traits, it's a matter of, did you get a little or a lot. And that influences how we interact with people, how we react to the world, our behaviors, all of these things, and that as parents, we can use this. I kind of feel like it's like the secret sauce, which is kind of the secret sauce. Yes, I understand my kid and I can anticipate my kid. I'm going to acknowledge and honor their temperament. No, it's not going to change, but that I can also support and guide their behavior. So we do, we hope that this is, you know, temperament's a big part of the parent child relationship, and we're excited to dive back in.

Lori Korthals:

Hurray. So thank you for joining us today on The Science of Parenting podcast. And remember that you can listen to us each week on your favorite podcast app.

Mackenzie Johnson:

Yes, so please do come along with us as we talk all the ups and downs, the ins and outs and the research and reality, all around The Science of Parenting.

Anthony Santiago:

The Science of Parenting is hosted by Lori Korthals and Mackenzie Johnson, produced by Mackenzie DeJong, with research and writing by Barbara Dunn Swanson. Send in questions and comments to parenting@iastate.edu and connect with us on Facebook and Twitter. This institution is an equal opportunity provider. For the full non-discrimination statement or accommodation inquiries go to www.extension.iastate.edu/diversity/ext.