Being Both a Parent and a Person | S. 2 Ep. 1

Being a parent is just one "hat" you wear - you are still a person with your own needs. See what the research says about different ways we can practice self-care. 

Transcript

Copy

Mackenzie Johnson 0:09

Hey guys, welcome to The Science of Parenting. We're here live. And as you know, if you've been on a live with us before, we always like to start with some of our beliefs and ground rules, so let's roll right into it so we can get into today's topic, roll with it. I'm ready to talk about it. I'm ready. So we have three beliefs here at The Science of Parenting. The first is that we have a pluralistic approach to parenting, which basically just means we believe there's more than one way to raise great kids. Our second belief is that it's our job to provide research based trustworthy information, but parents are the experts on your kids. So we believe that you get to decide how this information fits your family. And our third belief is that we're parenting educators, but we know that some parent child relationships might need additional professional support. And so we always encourage you to seek those experts out in your local communities.

Lori Hayungs 1:10

Absolutely. And along with those beliefs, we also like to share a couple of ground rules since this is live. We remember always that this is a judgment free zone at The Science of Parenting. We want to make sure that we aren't blaming or shaming other parents. We oftentimes do that well enough to ourselves. So , this is a judgment free zone here at The Science of Parenting. Also , as you make comments, we want to make sure that you focus your comments on your reality and the things that are happening in your world instead of sharing comments about others. And then also one of my favorite ground rules is that we as hosts, we reserve the right to pass on answering any of your personal questions towards us. So with those three ground rules, I will bring in our producer, Kenzie , and she will share some additional logistics with you.

Mackenzie DeJong 2:05

Hello everyone. I'm Mackenzie DeJong, podcast producer, a family life educator alongside these wonderful ladies as well. And I'm here to just give you some of those logistics, like Lori said, hopefully you should be seeing close captioning if you're not , you might just have to hit that gear dude as I've called them in all of the lives. I have no better way of saying it. So I just calling it the gear dude. I might as well just stick to it at this point. So , if you're not seeing close captioning, that should be a solution. If we still aren't seeing close captioning, I might need to figure some things out. And then the other comment I wanted to make is in regards to the comments, we do want to just give you a reminder, we set the ground rules that in that comment section, please follow those ground rules, be nice, no shaming and blaming, and just know that we do have eyes on that. So, if we aren't f ollowing those ground rules, we are going to, we might respond. We might delete comments that don't follow those, but we do want to keep this an environment of no shaming, no blaming, that sort of a thing. So just wanted to give that reminder again and kind of reiterate that. So that's all I h ave.

Mackenzie Johnson 3:24

Thanks. So let's get started. Yeah. Yes. So always start with the official title, you know, or the official intro it's only right. So welcome officially to The Science of Parenting podcast, where we connect you with the research based information, that fits that your family. We'll talk about the realities of being a parent and how research can help guide our parenting decisions. I am Mackenzie Johnson, parent of two littles with their own quirks, and I'm a parenting educator.

Lori Hayungs 3:52

And I'm Lori Hayungs. And I have three children in three different life stages. One is launched, thankfully starting that full time job last week, just so I can throw that in because it's finally quarantined out over here. So anyway , yeah , I have a second who is in college and a third who is still in school. So I'm also a parenting educator and we are excited to have you here today. Today we're actually kicking off season two. And today, specifically, we're going to talk about being both a parent and a person. I think that's pretty important, right? Cause we are both a parent and a person here at The Science of Parenting. And we're going to take some time to honor ourself as an individual first. And this is often called self care. So I'm sure you've probably heard that word, but we wanted to make sure that you thought about how important it is to also think of yourself as an individual and not just as a parent. What do you think about that, Mackenzie ? Why not ?

Mackenzie Johnson 4:56

Sometimes when we think about hearing, you know , parenting education or parenting advice, it's all about our kids and we think you're worthwhile, right? You are worthy. You are a good enough reason to take care of yourself because you're a person. And when we were talking about this episode and I was thinking about this idea of self care, it was like, okay, this is crazy. So my whole life, I have been a person, like this whole time I've been alive, I've been a person. And then I became a parent and like, whoa, crazy wild , still a person. Even with little kids who feel like they might take every part of me sometimes, I'm still a person, right? Because I'm a person, even though I'm a parent , because I'm a person I need to practice self care. You know, for me, for my kids, for everybody , I need to practice that self care so I can bring my best self or okay, maybe not always my best self, maybe just my good self sometimes, but so I can bring my best self to the table with my family.

Lori Hayungs 6:00

So you're kind of sharing about why you think it's so important to focus on self care, right?

Mackenzie Johnson 6:08

Cause I'm a person.

Lori Hayungs 6:09

Because you're a person. Yeah. And you mentioned, because we're always on the clock, right? Parenting is big work, but we're still a person. So we're going to start off with kind of a definition of self care, right? So Oren defines self care as the practice of activities that individuals personally initiate. So activities we personally initiate and perform, my favorite part here, on our own behalf.

Mackenzie Johnson 6:41

That's my favorite part, too .

Lori Hayungs 6:42

Right? The practice of activities that we practice, the practice of activities we personally initiate and perform on our own behalf to maintain life, health and wellbeing. Super cool definition.

Mackenzie Johnson 6:59

Yeah. And very overarching. Right? That's not just for parenting. That's just, how do we take care of ourselves? All right . Be enough. Yes. And I think it's worth noting that this particular citation, this research reference is from a text called Nursing Concepts of Practice. So a lot of the research from this episode and a lot of the research we did to prepare for this comes from the medical field. I feel like sometimes people will hear this word self care and they think it's like, oh, that nice little fluffy idea of these luxurious things that people do for themselves. No, a lot of the research and self care is from the medical field because it's important to our physical health and our mental health and all kinds of health. And so it's worth mentioning that the science is real, very real.

Lori Hayungs 7:46

Exactly. And it's almost like if you toss that word medical, then all of a sudden you stop guilt and shame, you know, shaming and guilting yourself, right. Because, oh wait, the medical field says that I actually need to perform these activities for myself. Right. So , okay. So in your current reality right now, wherever you are in the chat box, we would like you to share what you think self care looks like. And I'm going to have Mackenzie share hers while you type your ideas of what self care looks like, Mackenzie is going to share hers.

Mackenzie Johnson 8:23

So later in the episode, we have this breakdown of these four different kinds of self care. So hang with us for that but honestly, total transparency right now in my reality is I've been struggling with some mental health things lately. And so a lot of my self care focus right now is a lot of my basic needs. So things like getting up in the morning and taking a shower and taking my medication and following some of my routines, those are some really, they seem really basic and a lot of the time I wouldn't even classify it as self care, but those basic tasks are a really important part of my self care right now. And then even some of the other things like getting enough sleep, and monitoring my caffeine intake, which does not come naturally to me. But when I think specifically of my parenting self care, right now, it's taking breaks when I need them, stepping out for a minute, whether it's convenient or inconvenient that I say, I need a break and I need to take it. If my children are safe, even if it's just walking in the other room to take a breath. So that taking those breaks is an important part of my parenting self care. What about you, Lori?

Lori Hayungs 9:33

Those are great. And I think that the fact that you brought up that even though they sound simple, they're very important to your self care. There's nothing that is too simple when it comes to self care. And so, you know, for me right now, I think it was that realization that, I was not doing really anything. I was just kind of existing and I wasn't planning that self care and thinking ahead to it. So yeah, we're going to talk about some of those things additionally soon, but , let's see if Mackenzie DeJong has anything for us in the chats.

Mackenzie Johnson 10:13

One of our favorite parts of doing these lives is when Mackenzie gets to pull in your comments and questions.

Lori Hayungs 10:18

Yes. We get to see her more often.

Mackenzie DeJong 10:23

And I was doing just that, which is why it took me a second to get here. So the first comment that I have on that question is saying no to one more thing to do, getting out in the garden and cooking. That saying no thing. I know a lot of people struggle with and saying, yes, sometimes it seems like the easy answer in the moment, but then you get there and you're like, I should have said no. And now you can say, well, this medical journal actually told me that I need to say no as a part of my self care plan and getting out in the garden, cooking. And then the next is doing what I need to feel good, physically, mentally, socially, spiritually,

Mackenzie Johnson 11:09

Super. And that looks different for each of us. Yes. Doing what you need to feel good. Yes. Okay.

Lori Hayungs 11:18

Do we have another one?

Mackenzie DeJong 11:18

I was just going to pull another one.

Mackenzie Johnson 11:22

She's multitasking.

Mackenzie DeJong 11:23

I am. I'm spending lots of times with my flowers and yard outside.

Lori Hayungs 11:29

So that's great. So because you know, some vacation and summer plans changed this year for me, I actually decided to plant more flowers than I typically have, because I feel like I'm going to be around to water them and keep them growing and pretty. And so I love that, you know that , you know what, because I'm not really planning on going anywhere, I'm going to plant more flowers, self care. They're pretty.

Mackenzie Johnson 11:52

So those things to enjoy.

Lori Hayungs 11:54

Yes. All right . So let's lead into our second research practice here. So this is first, we're going to take a look at why self care is so important. So briefly, and pretty simply, If we don't practice self care, we actually risk burnout. And so this burnout could be from that never ending pile up of demands. The idea that we need to please so many other people , the idea that we have to do every single thing on our to do list. Did I write that one myself? That I have to , you know, that we're actually having more things to do , than we actually have resources to bring in. So that burnout as a person, how does that show up in your parenting? I'm burnt out as a person because I am a person, but what happens when I'm burnt out as a person? How does that show up in my parenting? How about an answer for that question?

Mackenzie Johnson 12:52

I do. I do. And I always love, we get to talk through these episodes a little bit beforehand and kind of think through sharing our responses and yeah, I'm burnt out as a person. I think the way you asked that is great. I'm burnt out as a person because I am one and that affects my parenting. So that's part one of why self care is important is this burnout. And I would say things that I notice in myself is when I am feeling burnt out, I tend to get pretty permissive in my parenting. That is just like, oh, I'll allow it. That's fine. Things that I might normally be like, don't jump on that bed . And maybe that's not always right, but I think I get more permissive. And then also my responses to my children sometimes are based more in anger, you know, where I might be more likely to Stop. Breathe. Talk. other times, when I'm burnt out, I go to that emotion quicker. I would also say that I can lose the joy, like the sweet things that I normally really love about my kids, I miss and the mix of stuff. And then the biggest one for me, which I feel kind of ties in all the other things, is when I'm burnt out, I lose kind of my vision. I lose my vision of what I want to instill in my kids and the kind of adults I want to raise them to be. And I don't have the energy to think that far ahead when I'm burnt out and feel like I can barely get through this moment. Right. But I remember when I was on maternity leave, like, okay, I just have to make it through this week. I just have to make it through this, like tonight to the morning. And that burnout is so real. I can't think that far ahead because I can only barely get through right now. Exactly. Exactly. What about you?

Lori Hayungs 14:37

So I notice I feel burnt out or I notice my burnt out most when I want to confess, I can waste a really long time, I'm talking hours, endlessly scrolling on my phone. Mind numbingly scrolling from one news site to social media site to entertainment si te t o another. And I can look up and think, Oh my gosh, all of these other things I could have been doing. And I literally just moved my finger up and down that screen. And I think that what also happens to me in that space is I completely shut down my brain. And that includes my hearing. So those times that I've been burnt out, my teenager actually began using my name because I totally would tune out the words, mom, mama, mom, yoohoo! Right? I didn't, I literally didn't hear them. And so she would start to s ay Lori, and it would jolt me back and like, Ooh, my gut just even hurts saying that because I think, Oh my goodness, I was so tuned out that my own kid in my house, you know, three feet from me had to say my name to bring me back into this space and present. Oh y eah. So those are, I know that she says it lovingly, but those are the things that as a parent, like, Oh, it's like a punch in the gut when my own child has to use my name to get my attention.

Mackenzie Johnson 16:13

And I think that burnout is real, you know? And it carries this weight of things we don't really want, but sometimes I feel like we're hesitant to like, Oh, I don't need self care. It's this luxurious thing that people do. But I think naturally one of the really cool things about researching this episode, a lot of the journal articles, you know , I talked about a lot were in the medical profession, but there were some that were focused on the helping profession. So, you know, things like social work and mental health professionals and things like that. And one article in particular, in the Journal of Counseling Psychology pointed out that professionals need to have self care practices as an ethical requirement of their job, as an ethical requirement of their job. Because if we're not practicing self care, we're risking burnout, which affects us. And I mean, for helping professionals affects the clients, but in parenting, right. That's the same idea. Yes. Pick me, pick me. Yes .

Lori Hayungs 17:15

Yes. Because as a parent, I'm pretty sure your job description includes you need to help your children and help your family. Right? So to me, that screams loudly parenting is a helping profession. So what did you say helping professions ethically need to do?

Mackenzie Johnson 17:38

An ethical requirement to practice self care ?

Lori Hayungs 17:41

Yes. Yes. You are in the helping profession if you are a parent period and it's ethically required of you to practice self care. So our work here is done. End of the episode.

Mackenzie Johnson 17:55

I do want to take a second to soak that in. A lot of times we talk about the guilt and I know not everyone experiences guilt and self care and like, yes, that's where we need to be. That's where we want to be. but for those of you that might, I want to take a second to kind of flip this thinking on our heads . So I'm actually, I wrote something down that I want to read to us. Barb, our writer, is so good with affirmations and stuff, so I'm gonna model my best Barb that I can. So when we talk about the guilt associated with taking the time to focus on ourselves as parents, what if we flip that thinking on its head, instead of making self care an extra or something special we do for ourselves, what if we start saying, self care is the foundation. It's at the start. Self care is the basis of our wellbeing. I am a person first and I have needs I need to address before I can take care of others. Oh, goodness. I'm going to cry again.

Lori Hayungs 18:55

She's so good at helping us remember that we have needs and we are important enough just as we are to meet those needs.

Mackenzie Johnson 19:07

We talk about, you know, it's a helping profession. Burnout affects our kids. And yes, we, you know, a lot of times we can convince ourselves it's for our kids, but you're a good enough reason to practice self care. You are worthy because you're a person. You are a good enough reason to practice self care. And so we really hope that you can hear that.

Lori Hayungs 19:28

We want you to know it is not extra practice . Self care is not extra.

Mackenzie Johnson 19:34

It's at the start. Yes. It's where we start, which is great news because our kind of first half of this bullet of why self care is important was about that we risk burnout if we don't practice it. And the great news is there's good things when we do practice it. Will you tell us, Lori?

Lori Hayungs 19:48

There is. So Bender and Ingram tell us that when we do practice mental, physical, and emotional self care, we actually build resilience. And so we need resilience for those times when things get tough, we don't all of a sudden get it when boom, it's tough. Now we have resilience. No, we have to have resilience prior to things getting tough. And so that self care happens to begin to build that resilience. So we're ready when things get tough. So look at what's happening right now. Literally right now we are living when things get tough, right? And we're still here. We're still going. We're still getting up each day. Right? Because we have been building resilience, but we need to remember, we need to keep building resilience. So for thinking right now, this word resilience, it might be new to you in the chat box. Why don't you go ahead and tell us what does resilience, what's that word mean to you? Or what does it look like for you? How about, what does it look like for you, Mackenzie?

Mackenzie Johnson 21:01

Well, I want to give a plug because we're going to talk more about resilience. We're tiptoeing into it today. We're gonna talk more about it in next week's episode. But honestly right now, I think about this idea of self care and feeling resilient. Honestly, I don't always feel resilient. I don't always feel like I like, you know, it talks about the buffer of adversity. I don't always feel like that. In fact, there's been days in the fairly recent past that it feels hard to get out of bed. And so when I'm like, okay, I got out of bed today, it doesn't necessarily make me feel resilient. It feels kind of like the minimum, but I think it's important to remember that that is a strategy, right? My buffer of adversity is I'm going to keep moving forward. I'm using my feet one step at a time. And so I would say when I think about my own resilience right now, and what's been going on with me personally and my own reality, my resilience has been that I've been able to ask for help and giving myself grace that I don't normally extend myself. I tend to hold myself as a person and as a parent . And so giving myself the grace , is an important part of my resilience right now. What about you, Lori ?

Lori Hayungs 22:15

I think that's great. I think that in some of the previous episodes, we've talked about giving ourselves grace, maybe the bonus episodes , with COVID and that's really important. And so for me, resilience sometimes just means, I sometimes have this phrase I play over and over in my head and I know you've heard me say it. Just do the very next thing. Just do the very next thing. And I oftentimes that'll be, as I listen to people share their struggles or concerns, I'll say just do the very next thing. I know but resilience to me is just get to this moment right now and do what needs to be done right this moment, and then get to the very next thing. So that's resilience for me. And then another thing I like to say is sometimes we just need to lower the bar and lower the bar so that we can successfully get over it. We boom, we got over it. I liken it to a high jump bar. I talk in pictures, right? So I liken it to a high jump bar . I'm like, okay, people I'm five foot three. I don't high jump. Right? So I get over , I have to lower the bar to get over and feel successful. So that's resilience to me is giving myself these baby successes.

Mackenzie Johnson 23:36

And then over time we've built up these skills. You say that metaphor so often, of building our toolbox with resilience and over time, it's like, okay, I survived this, right. I kept going, I kept getting out of bed. I kept doing the next thing. And I can look back and say, you know what? I survived that, this is the thing I can do. Again, I have skills and strategies because I've done this before. Right? And so you're building that buffer that you can survive when times are tough. So self care helps us build that resilience, resilience.

Lori Hayungs 24:07

So let's see if we have anyone sharing what they think resilience is.

Mackenzie Johnson 24:11

Or any of the related to the importance of self care. Do you have anything for us, Kenz?

Mackenzie DeJong 24:17

We do. So I wanted to first share, we asked the question first about , what burnout or what types of burnout we were experiencing. I actually only had two people respond to that. We've had lots of responses to the resilience question. So we'll start with the burnout side of things. Somebody said they haven't been a good listener. That's how they they've shown burnout, they just haven't been a good listener. And then somebody else said burnout equals short fuse.

Mackenzie Johnson 24:45

I can relate to that. Irritability is my number one sign like bothers me immediately.

Mackenzie DeJong 24:57

So those were the two for burnout. But the awesome thing is we have lots of great responses on resilience. So someone said being able to bounce back in a healthy way. I keep getting back up no matter what comes my way and using what I've learned each time. These are great . Forgiving myself after a tough parenting day where I feel like I've made mistakes and learning from it. So lots of learning. And then Kristen said forgiving. Yes. Yes. I think Kristen said, took the words out of my mouth giving and accepting grace one step at a time.

Lori Hayungs 25:39

Super buffers. And I love that we think of that as a buffer. Cause here's the picture in my head, this big fluffy trampoline pillowy kind of thing. And you know that thing is between me and my adversity and the more I build resilience, the bigger and puffier it gets and the farther away. So, well , let's bump into research example number three. How about, and these are actually examples of practices of self care that are cited in research. So Moore, Bledsoe, Perry, and Robinson, they included these things when they were talking about self care practices. So this is their research self care. So they talk about regular exercise, making a meal plan, journaling, participating in counseling, prayer reflection, practices of faith, listening, or playing music, connecting with friends and family and participating in events or dinner with friends. So I read that really fast, but I did that because I'm pretty sure that those are all things that people have probably told us, reminded us. We read in our own self help books. And I just want one little caveat here. And that is because this happens all the time, right? The very first thing many people say is exercise. And what happens to you when you hear that word exercise. I'll answer that. I was asking myself, right? So I get this little wrinkle in my nose. Like you can't see it like , exercise, no, here's the deal. People. I do exercise. I teach exercise, but I don't do it unless someone makes me. And I think that that word in itself sometimes that feeling of even just the word exercise, everyone out there just went. Ugh. Okay. So let's talk about it this way. Let's talk about moving. So these examples of self care practices and research, moving, making a food plan, journaling, participating in counseling, prayer reflection, practices of faith, listening, or playing music, any kind of music. I saw listening to classic. Watching classical movies was an example I saw in our chat , connecting with friends and family, participating in events or dinner with friends. That's all research moving. So anytime you hear the word exercise, I want you to think of the word moving instead.

Mackenzie Johnson 28:09

Lori's little tidbit for the day. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's great. I love , you know, I love research, you know , I love a research tidbit, but seeing it laid out. I think sometimes I know for me, there was a time period where I had been in school for a long time and suddenly I had this new found time when that was done. And I remember literally I'm pretty sure you're one of the people asked, I literally said, what do I like to do? I don't know what I like to do. How do I take care of myself? How I've "taken care of myself" was just sprinting all the time. And now that I've slowed down, I don't know what to do. Having the list, even though it feels like, Oh yeah, sure. People say journaling. That's not for me. Or people say exercise. And I don't, you know, I cringe my nose with Lori. But yeah, that there are so many options and there's not one right way. Right . Some people may find a shower, right? Like, okay , I'm gonna take a shower, wash off the day. That feels like self care. And some people it's like, make me get in the shower. Right. That's the great thing about the list. There's not one right way to practice self care. You get to decide what makes sense for you and what helps you feel better. Right? What builds that resilience?

Lori Hayungs 29:17

So do you remember what it was I told you, that you like to do?

Mackenzie Johnson 29:22

Yeah. You told me I like to cook and I do like to cook.

Lori Hayungs 29:24

And I know it was because you always, prior to you going to school and prior to you having children, you would always send pictures or your social media had pictures of really delicious looking food. And I always thought, ugh, I just can't cook like that. Oh , I don't enjoy cooking like that. But wow. I would sure eat that. And so when you asked me, I thought, well, how could she not know this? Of course she knows. We know this.

Mackenzie Johnson 29:53

Oh, I do like that. That's a thing I like. Yes .

Lori Hayungs 29:57

But we forget because we get burnt out.

Mackenzie Johnson 30:01

So I'm really excited for, you know, our last section is almost always this kind of your reality, which we focus a little more on strategies for what we've learned in our research. And you guys know, I love a framework.

Lori Hayungs 30:15

We need the bells and whistles. Woohoohoo...framework!

Mackenzie Johnson 30:16

Four different kinds of self care. So how do we break down our understanding of this self care?

Lori Hayungs 30:25

So this is, again, this is a medical perspective, right? So this gives you permission for frameworking strategies. Okay. So the first one is called regulatory. Now okay, we've been laughing at Lori's talking in pictures. Lori is going to talk in pictures again. So when I thought of these, I immediately thought of my car. So regular maintenance, regular maintenance of my health. What does that look like? Regular maintenance of my car. What does that look like? I know what it looks like for me. So regular maintenance of my car means I had to put gas in it for it to go. So what does regulatory maintenance of your health look like?

Mackenzie Johnson 31:05

So regulatory, right? The regular things we just got to do to keep going, got to put gas in the car to keep going. This might be really simple. Things like eating, sleeping, showering, drinking, water, basic things we do to maintain our health, to got to keep going forward. You have to have gas in that car. So the regulatory, the maintenance things you do.

Lori Hayungs 31:27

All right . Strategy one, got it. Regulatory strategy. Number two, preventative. This is a self-selected practice to help you stay okay. Just okay. It's a self selected practice. We listed off a whole bunch earlier. And so in my car, this preventative thing might be that I have to change the oil because if I don't change the oil, right? So preventative says change the oil. How about for human beings?

Mackenzie Johnson 32:01

So that preventative of that with how we're going to stay okay. And right, it's at the foundation. It's at the start in your car . If you're going to have a car, you have to practice preventative self care. If we're going to keep going and being a parent and a person. So some examples might be simple. Things like taking a bath, reading a book, watching a show, going for a walk, connecting with friends or whatever hobbies bring you joy. So these are preventative. These are basic things we're going to practice regularly. Cause they're going to prevent us from getting to a place of burnout.

Lori Hayungs 32:32

They are very important. They are prevention. Okay. Remember, prevention. Third things are getting a little urgent here, reactive. So this is when you start to realize I'm not doing so well, or this is when you start to hear that little noise in your car and you think, oh, something's going on? I better take the car to the mechanic. Right? Preventative wise, I put oil in. Regulatory, I put gas in. But now I start to hear this noise and I maybe need to react to this.

Mackenzie Johnson 33:09

So in human beings, right? Reactive self care. When we start to notice we're not doing so well, it could be things like taking a break. Right? I told you that I've kind of been struggling lately. And so that's been my reactive strategy. Like oof , you know on our Stop. Breathe. Talk., I say I'm an exclamation point. I have big feelings. I need to take a break. Another example could be asking for help, using Stop. Breathe. Talk. and having a heart to heart with a friend or a family member. So the things that are going to help you kind of get back on track when you start to notice that they're not going so well.

Lori Hayungs 33:42

Oh, that was perfect. Get back on track. That's what the mechanic does to my car. Right. They, he or she, get my car back on track. Right? Okay. So the fourth one then, so we've had regulatory, preventative, reactive, and now we have restorative and these are actually going to be suggestions by a professional. Think about that, that the mechanic has walked back into the office and now the mechanic is going to tell you what is wrong and how you need to fix it. How does it look like in human beings?

Mackenzie Johnson 34:15

So restorative practices suggested from a professional could be things like taking prescribed medication, could be seeing a mental health professional , might even include some of the things listed above, right? So restorative things that are suggested by a professional, this could be your family doctor, a mental health professional. It could be clergy, could be home visitors, could be social workers, any professional that is helping you as a person and/or as a parent. And so it could even be one of the things we talked about above, right? A professional might tell you, you need to start eating regularly. Or if you're managing a health condition in particular, you need to start getting more sleep. So it could be some of these, even the things we listed as other examples , self care activity doesn't necessarily fit in just one category. It might be different places. And so those four kind of help us break down. Like I said, I love a framework, but it does help me. At least for myself, it helps me break down this self care. When I think of it as this big idea of taking care of myself like, you know, I said earlier, I don't always know what I need. And so breaking it down of like, okay, what's the regulatory I need to shower, I need to eat, I need to sleep. Part of my restorative self care right now is taking the medication I'd been prescribed , seeing mental health professionals. My preventative is taking those breaks, right. That I'm not getting to the place of burnout and then reactive in the moment I'm not feeling so good, you know, it's kind of self promoting, but Stop. Breathe. Talk. is my go to reactive. So I love these four. I love breaking it down this way from the medical perspective.

Lori Hayungs 35:52

Those are great. Well, okay. So we've kind of shared our research today on giving you permission to have self care as your foundation. We brought some comments and questions in, is there any last bits and pieces that we need to bring in from Mackenzie DeJong?

Mackenzie Johnson 36:10

What are we seeing out there? Feel like I'm checking the weather. What's out there.

Lori Hayungs 36:14

What's out there, Stan?

Mackenzie DeJong 36:16

I feel like I need to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. We actually haven't had too many comments. Funny thing is, is so if anyone was wondering our teammate, Barb Dunn Swanson does a lot of the comment management for these. So we really are very thankful for that, but right before you said, Stop. Breathe. Talk., she commented, Stop. Breathe. Talk. So I thought that we are right there with you. Barb, but it's important. And it's always on all of our minds, but I think people have just been listening and they had some good answers as we went throughout. So no other additional comments for ya.

Lori Hayungs 37:00

Well, all right. So thinking about self care as a foundation, thinking about the fact that in the medical research, you know, it is something that as helping professionals, you are a helping professional as a parent, is ethical that you practice self care. We talked about regulatory and preventive and restorative and reactive, reactive restorative. And I can't wait for you to hear the next couple of weeks when we continue to talk about resilience and how we can have that strong foundation as we parent.

Mackenzie Johnson 37:37

And that we're going to give you permission. That's I mean, in every episode, but especially here in season two, to remember that you are a person and a parent, so parenting education, especially from The Science of Parenting, we're going to come from that place. We see you. You're a person and a parent. So we're going to keep focusing on that in season two.

Lori Hayungs 37:57

We also wanted to let you know that we do have a bonus podcast coming out tomorrow. That podcast is going to be on talking with your child about race and racial bias. So be sure to watch for that podcast tomorrow. And in the meantime, thank you for joining us today on The Science of Parenting. We are live here today, but remember each week you can hear us on our podcast, subscribe to Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast. And then, you know , come back on Facebook and watch the show, join us here, where we discuss what your comments and questions.

Mackenzie Johnson 38:34

Just ask us. We love that about the lives.

Lori Hayungs 38:37

We do.

Mackenzie Johnson 38:38

So as always come along with us as we tackle the ins and outs, the ups and downs, and the research and reality, all around The Science of Parenting,

Anthony Santiago 38:48

The Science of Parenting is a research-based education program hosted by Lori Hayungs and Mackenzie Johnson, produced by Mackenzie DeJong, with research and writing by Barbara Dunn Swanson. Send in questions and comments to parenting@iastate.edu and connect with us on Facebook and Twitter. This program is brought to you by Iowa State University Extension and Outreach. This institution is an equal opportunity provider. For the full non-discrimination statement or accommodation inquiries go to www.extension.iastate.edu/diversity.